Cancer...The New Journey Post #1

Hearing a cancer diagnosis is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. When I tell you I have shed more tears the last week and a half than I have in the past year, it is not an exaggeration. I have gone through different stages -- anger, pain, fear, helplessness, and most importantly came relief and then love. 

 Anger because I had such hopes of it being like every other time I was called back for another mammogram/ultrasound and sent to a surgeon (which became the norm). This time it was different. I would not get the "Oh, it's just a cyst. We will watch it, but there are no indications of anything other than that."

 Pain because I felt betrayed. I felt like I was being punished for some reason. 

 Fear because we had to wait to find out how BAD the cancer is. Fear because, well, I have cancer. Fear for what lies ahead...

 I felt helpless because I had no control. All I could do is wait. I had to wait for appointments. Wait to get results...and because the report was written poorly, I had to wait until the doctor called the pathologist the next day to find out how BAD it is. I couldn't fix anything. I couldn't speed up anything. 

 So, the report came in, and for having an aggressive breast cancer, I have best case scenario. It is located in one area and I will not have to go through chemo. That is a PRAISE THE LORD moment if there has ever been one!

 RELIEF because I can now breathe. I felt like I couldn't for a period of time. Relief because after going through the process that lies ahead (which is not easy), I will be free of this cancer. Relief because I will not have to go through chemo & radiation; that was a big fear for me. 

 Love...I have been very guarded about telling people about this other than my closest friends and family. I have a tough time handling people, especially if I'm not particularly close to them, knowing my business and asking how I'm doing. I'm just weird like that. Besides, it is very hard to talk about it. I can write about it more easily than talking. The tears tend to flow when I start talking. 

 I've experienced an outpouring of love. When I tell you that, I mean a real outpouring. My people...my chosen people...have been great. Some know that it's difficult for me, so they are giving me space, but when I have sent them updates (usually through texts), they respond with so much love and kindness. Some want to do something, anything to help. Some have asked for special prayer time (without using my name) at their church. Some have texted me every day to let me know exactly what they are praying for me. Some have asked if there is a SPECIFIC need that I want them to pray about while they are praying for me. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.

 For now, I will try my best to remain faithful in prayer and not let all of the negative fears & emotions take over. One day at a time...
 'But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.'
2 Corinthians 12:9

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